Another summer and another season of Big Brother looms ominously. While most of us are still trying to get the horrid taste of prime-time racism and McCranda stank out of our mouths, CBS is ready to unleash a brand new batch of future job-seekers and Beamly celebrities onto the American public. May Grodner have mercy on our souls!
As last year’s group of housemates cling onto their last Twitter follower, desperately holding onto any semblance of “fame”, it’s time for us to say hello to 16 new unwitting boys and girls that will fill our screens for the summer and become our new objects of love and hate…mostly hate.
Going into the Big Brother house is a massive risk, in a way I admire anyone that has the balls to put their life and career in the hands of the American public. After the season is done you could be anything from the proud owner of a Cat Lady™ gift basket, the subject of a schmaltzy YouTube tribute video, or the recipient of a thousand death threats, it really is a crap-shoot!
So let’s take a look at this year’s victims shall we?
Amber Borzotra, a 26 year old Esthetician (ie – works in a salon) originally from Knoxville, Tennessee.
This was the last Amber that was on Big Brother:
She was a religious nut that spent the entire summer in tears and coming out with nuggets like “God bless you God” during her non-sensical prayer sessions. Although she did have to live in a house with Dick Donato, and that’s enough to drive anyone crazy. But in comparison stakes, for the new Amber, surely the only way is up.
According to her CBS profile, Amber is most afraid of spiders (fair enough), snakes (understandable), and having to eat bananas (wait, what?!). Hey Amber, this is Big Brother, you shouldn’t be afraid of eating a banana, you should be more afraid of looking like a banana.
Amber’s favourite activities include kayaking, spelunking, and late night cow tipping (so clearly an animal lover!). Her life motto is “Shit could be worse”, and I’m pretty sure that motto is about to become truly tried and tested.
Scum Screen Verdict: Amber seems fairly fun and bubbly but clueless. She was recruited with very little knowledge of Big Brother, so I imagine she will struggle with the intricacies of the game. She is extremely pretty which can either be an advantage or a hindrance in Big Brother depending on the cast. Most likely to get into a showmance and be a pre-jury boot.
Brittany Martinez, a 29 years old Event Coordinator originally from Long Beach, California.
Another lady that shares a namesake with a former housemate, albeit spelt differently.
It will be incredibly difficult to fill the boots of the Queen of Snark, Britney Haynes, but on the surface Brittany Martinez doesn’t seem like she is there to fill that role, even though she does list Britney as her favourite housemate. Brittany appears to have been cast in the “Mother” role, despite only being 29 (MILF!), she has three children and is recently divorced.
The motherly role is usually filled by the likes of Kathy and Shelley, so Brittany makes a nice change. Her CBS profile says that she once faked labor to get out of a speeding ticket, maybe she could try the same thing if someone tries to nominate her?
Scum Screen Verdict: Brittany seems nice and caring but I don’t think she is cut out for this game. She was recruited two weeks ago in a bar, and much like Amber, it doesn’t appear she knows much about Big Brother. She could go far if she lays low, but I think this game will take a lot out of her. Most likely to cry reading HoH letter.
Caleb Reynolds, a 26 year old Adventure Hunting Guard, originally from Dallas, Texas.
When asked in his CBS profile what he would do if Big Brother made him famous, Caleb said “I would try my best not to turn into another Justin Bieber”. Well, he already has the racism controversy covered.
The show hasn’t even officially started and already Caleb has become the subject of controversy with comments that he made on his Instagram account, which can be read above, he is the user named “insain_physique” (I look forward to his attempt in the Veto Spelling competition this year).
It’s astounding to me how CBS and the casting department can overlook something which a quick Google search can spew up. Especially after the shit-storm that was BB15, you would think the producers would be much more careful with what type of person they put on the show. Unless this was premeditated and CBS want people talking. Racism = Ratings!
The most unintentionally hilarious thing about this whole mess is BB15’s Aaryn Gries’ tweet:
Not even on the show anymore and still putting her foot in it. Oh Aaryn.
Scum Screen Verdict: It’s going to be very hard not to judge Caleb more harshly than the others now, the Twitter backlash will make sure of that. He seems like a smooth-talking Texan that plans to get the ladies in his pocket, and that might just work. The biggest crime in all this though that nobody is mentioning is that Caleb’s favourite movie is The Notebook! Most likely to be unemployed after the season.
Christine Brecht, a 23 year old Barista from Tucson, Arizona.
Am I the only one that sees Gabe from The Office when I look and listen to Christine?
It’s not so much that Christine physically looks like Zach Woods, it’s more her general tone and mannerisms share similarities. I don’t mean to be cruel…who am I kidding, this whole blog was invented to be cruel!
Christine says her nickname is “Bubbles” because she is bubbly and eccentric, not because she resembles Michael Jackson’s former pet monkey. She once threw a surprise birthday party for a homeless man in a park, I wonder how she knew it was his birthday? And I wonder if she got all his homeless buddies to pop up from behind the bushes and yell “Surprise!”.
Scum Screen Verdict: Christine seems genuinely smart and likable. She comes across quirky and nerdy but her arms of tattoos give her an edge. She is a true fan of the show and if she can get into a solid alliance early on I could see her doing really well. Most likely to be the female Ian Terry.
Cody Calafiore, a 23 year old Sales Account Executive originally from Hackensack, New Jersey.
I keep wanting to call this dude Cody California, and I probably will from here on out. Cody says his favourite activities are going on runs, working out and going to the gym – Cody, a little time-saving tip, you could have just said “exercise”. There doesn’t seem to be much to the guy apart from being athletic and “nice”.
Scum Screen Verdict: Cody California is my hot pick to become America’s Favourite, he has that All American vanilla look that people take to, he’s good looking, and is probably a “super sweet guy”. Whether he makes a good player or not is another question, I imagine his game will be very competition focused. Most likely to become Jeff Schroeder’s man-crush.
Derrick Levasseur, a 30 year old Police Sergeant from Providence, Rhode Island.
Coming off the Survivor win of Tony Vlachos, a fellow cop playing another reality-gameshow is going to have all eyes on him, not that Derrick plans to reveal his job to his fellow housemates, he’s going to say he works in Parks & Rec, maybe people will think he’s Andy Dwyer. A quick Google search shows that Derrick has been involved in a fatal police shooting, which means he joins Chicken George, Shannon, and Toyah in the list of housemates that have killed somebody (Justin doesn’t count, that was just attempted murder).
Derrick has a wife and young daughter at home and claims he won’t do anything to embarrass his family – you do know what show you’re going on right, Derrick?
Scum Screen Verdict: In his CBS profile Derrick can come across quite arrogant, but in his interviews he is actually quite low-ley and self-aware. He sounds like he is knowledgeable about the game, at least compared to a lot of the others, and if he can stop himself from becoming domineering I could see him going far. Most likely to come up with an alliance name worse than The Moving Company.
Devin Shepherd, a 26 year old Harley Davidson salesman originally from Santa Barbara, California.
I’m not sure why this guy was cast, he seems even more bland than Cody California, and that dude was already approaching Coldplay levels of bland. Devin is a former pro baseball player who retired after having a daughter; much like Brittany and Derrick he seems very family orientated, so that could be an alliance in the making right there, the “Abandon Our Kids For The Summer” alliance.
Scum Screen Verdict: Again, I’m sure Devin is a really nice guy, he’s obviously a family man and seems very compassionate but nothing particularly stands out. I could see him getting into a showmance with Amber who says she likes “pretty people”, in his interviews he seemed open to a showmance. Most likely to rip Caleb’s head off.
Donny Thompson, a 42 year old School Groundskeeper from Albemarie, North Carolina.
When I first saw that photo of Donny and then read on his CBS profile that he works as a School Groundskeeper and has lived alone for 21 years, I’m not going to lie, I was getting major Yellow King vibes. We’re in Carcosa now!
But Donny actually seems very good-natured and down-to-earth, if not a little bewildered and out of his element. He had never been on a plane until the casting process for Big Brother started and has never left his state. Coming into the Big Brother house with a bunch of fame-hungry lunatics is certainly one way to spend your first ever vacation. I prefer Disney Land.
Scum Screen Verdict: I see things going one of two ways for Donny, either everybody will love him and his laidback attitude and he will make it deep in the game, possibly used as a frequent pawn. Or he will creep everybody out and become an easy scape-goat. Most likely to shave off facial hair in Veto Competition.
Frankie Grande, a 31 year old YouTube Personality originally from Boca Raton, Florida.
Anyone that lists their occupation as “YouTube Personality” might as well be wearing a huge badge that says “I’m an annoying attention seeker”, unless you’re Jenna Marbles, then you get a free pass, because you’re Jenna fucking Marbles.
But then again, it is understandable why Frankie would crave attention given that his sister is Ariana Grande. Now, I have to admit, I don’t really know who Ariana Grande is, she is one of those things that I know exists but I’m not particularly sure why, like wind charms or baby carrots. I am a 25 year old dude from England though, so maybe I’m not her target audience. However, this Ariana Grande person apparently has a huge fanbase which I’m sure will help Frankie should America get to make any decisions regarding the game.
Scum Screen Verdict: Frankie is probably going to be very popular with America, at least initially, but he could rub his housemates up the wrong way if he comes in all guns blazing. But with that said, Frankie is a genuine fan of the show and appears to have a grasp of the game, I expect him to play things quite smart and he could make a deep run. Most likely to accessorise a unitard.
Hayden Voss, a 21 year old Pedicab Driver originally from Marlborough, Massachusetts.
Someone must be taking the piss, surely? Not only do we have another housemate called Hayden, but his surname is almost exactly the same as former Big Brother 12 winner Hayden Moss…meet Hayden Voss. Ridiculous.
I’m not quite sure this long-haired, skateboarding, Pedicab Driver instills me with the same kind of confidence that Hayden 1.0 did, but I’m willing to give him a chance. Hayden 1.0 not only won Big Brother in dominating fashion but he made a deep run on Survivor too. Hayden 2.0 has a lot to live up to.
Scum Screen Verdict: Hayden 2.0 says he can switch the “surfer dude” persona on and off, and I think if he can manage to do that successfully then he could play his fellow housemates really well. I just fear that Hayden 2.0 isn’t quite as cunning as he likes to think, and he will find himself talking to Julie pre-jury. Most likely to pee in the pool.
Jocasta Odom, a 33 year old Minister originally from Griffin, Georgia.
Finally, our potential religious nut of the season! Although Jocasta says that she is willing to swear on the Bible to win Big Brother, so maybe she won’t be as militant as previous Jesus lovers that have appeared on the show. In fact, Jocasta looks to be very upbeat and willing to get stuck in. She describes herself as intelligent and outspoken, so I can see her getting into confrontations in the house, which is great for us viewers.
Scum Screen Verdict: Being the oldest woman in the house may be a disadvantage for Jocasta, especially with the younger Brittany already filling the “Mother” role. If she can stay quiet the first couple of weeks I can see her getting in good with an alliance or maybe being a potential swing vote, but if she is targeted early I could see her exploding. Most likely to hold Bible Study group in Have Not room.
Joey Van Pelt, a 27 year old Make-up Artist from Seattle, Washington.
Potential Goddess Alert! Joey is by far my pre-season fave, so if she turns into a monster by the second week I will take the hit hard! Joey is the most naturally funny of all the newbies in her interviews, she comes across fun-loving and caring and doesn’t take herself too seriously. She also has funky hair – although the last Big Brother chick that had short, spiky, colourful hair turned into this…
Joey’s worst fear about living in the Big Brother house is having to poop with men around, Joey, trust me, there are going to be a lot more nasty, stanky things happening in that house, taking a poop will be a breeze. She also wants to create an all female alliance, that is a big ask but I’m all for it, a girl version of the Brigade?
Scum Screen Verdict: I love Joey. I have a friend from Seattle and I can see similarities in their mannerisms and personality. If she stays true to herself then I can see her becoming one of America’s favourite housemates, but her lack of knowledge regarding Big Brother makes me think she can’t win the show. Most likely to lead a female housemate revolution.
Nicole Franzel, a 21 year old Recent Nursing Graduate from Ubly, Michigan.
I feel like I should find Nicole super adorable, but I’m not quite sold just yet. She reminds me of the kind of girl that would fake an eye-test just so she could be prescribed hipster glasses. Her accent is pretty great though, it’s like something out of Fargo. She describes herself in her CBS profile as nerdy and flirty, and seemingly has the hots for Big Brother 14 winner Ian Terry, whatever floats your boat!
Scum Screen Verdict: The jury is still out with Nicole, she could quite easily be the new Jordan, cute and rootable. Or she could become the catty, jealous type – she says she doesn’t really get along with girls, and her interview with Rachel was kind of awkward. Most likely to destroy an all female alliance from the inside out.
Paola Shea, a 27 year old DJ originally from East Hampton, Connecticut.
The thing that scares me about Paola is that she is friends with BB15’s resident loudmouth GinaMarie, so lord knows what she has in store for us. Is this another misguided casting choice by CBS? Or are they looking for another crazy-pants? I wonder if she’ll find her Nick?
Paola says her strategy for winning Big Brother is to not to be herself as much, so at least she is aware that she can come across irritating. And when asked what she would do if Big Brother made her famous, she says she hopes it would help her gain more social media followers – hey Paola, more Twitter followers is what “Big Brother fame” means, so I think you’ll achieve that one comfortably.
Scum Screen Verdict: Paola seems like a little bundle of energy who could prove quite adept at this game if she can reign in her personality somewhat. As well as a DJ she is a top ranked female gamer, combine this with the modelling career and you have quite the deadly combination. Most likely to get drunk on the first night.
Victoria Rafaeli, a 22 year old Photographer from Brooklyn, New York and Holon, Israel.
Although Donny the bearded wonder-man looks the most out of his depth judging by looks, I feel that Victoria may actually be the most lost upon entering the house. She says in her CBS profile that she is more familiar with her home country Israel’s version of Big Brother than the US one, and the format’s are very different, so who knows how she will take to the more cut-throat US game.
Scum Screen Verdict: Despite not having much knowledge of the game, Victoria seems prepared to lie and manipulate, but I can’t help but feel she is going to be majorly out of her comfort zone and people will use this to target her early on. Most likely to be first evicted.
Zach Rance, a 23 year old Recent Economics Graduate from Palm Beach, Florida.
Here is our white male “gamer” of the season. Zach looks to pride himself on being a supreme douche if his interviews are anything to go by, and they are. His arrogance is through the roof, the smarm is turned on full blast, and worst of all, his favourite player of all time is Mike Boogie.
However, I don’t fully hate Zach, even though I feel I should, but I think he wants me to hate him. I could be wrong (shocking, I know!), but to me it seems that Zach is putting on a persona, one he probably played up since his first audition and one that earned him a spot in the house. I think we will see a very different Zach once inside the house, and if he is as good as he claims to be, he might just have some game.
Scum Screen Verdict: Zach has clearly been cast as the “strategist” of the season, time will tell whether he becomes the new Dan Gheesling or the new Matt Hoffman. I think there is more to him than meets the eye. Most likely to shout in the Diary Room.
So there you have it, 16 brand new strangers for us to pick apart and destroy for the next 3 months. Let the fun and games begin!
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